The Kingdom Hearts games are now out on Steam, don’t ask me to explain them

The impenetrable wall of crossover fiction known as Kingdom Hearts has come to Steam. The games have been on Epic Games Store since 2021, so they’re not new to PC folk. But this does open them up to players who shy away from Epic’s storefront. I use the term “open up” loosely, because Kingdom Hearts is popularly regarded as a tangle of criss-crossing JRPG confuse-o-plots that require diagrams and multiple explainer videos to follow. I don’t know if that’s true, having never followed Alice down this Buster Sword-shaped rabbit hole, but it is the popular joke. And, looking into Goofy’s cold, dead eyes, I find I am afraid to question it.

The games are being packaged together in a bundle as “Kingdom Hearts Integrum Masterpiece” that will set you back £85, for anyone who wants to take a wild run at the series at full speed. But you can also buy them singly, with the slow and reasonable patience of a true Donald Duck appreciater. Here’s the list of games that have come to the store:

  • Kingdom Hearts HD 1.5 + 2.5 ReMIX
  • Kingdom Hearts HD 2.8 Final Chapter Prologue
  • Kingdom Hearts III + Re Mind DLC
  • Kingdom Hearts Xero Pre-maxio VII.7: The Bebludgeoning 2.Z

Okay, I made that last one up. You got me. I just get carried away sometimes, you know how it is. Video games as an art form have long been bastardised by bizarre naming conventions driven by neurotic marketing, but this series really takes the biscuit in terms of opaque numbering, no? Anyway, none of that helps explain what the RPG games are about, which is loosely this: Disney characters meet Square Enix characters and go on a loopy, touching adventure. The next entry in the series is teasing the introduction of Star Wars characters too. As a genre, we may call this “mashocore”.

Each of the items listed above aren’t technically games in themselves but packages of multiple titles. There are about ten games in total, if you buy the whole lot. But to understand exactly what you’re getting in each package, it’s best to check Squeenix’s own post breaking down what’s included. Don’t worry, they won’t make stuff up like I do. At least, I hope not.

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