7 Cringey Things Disney Could Do With the Star Wars Hotel Building

By admin Feb 13, 2024

When the Star Wars: Galactic Starcruiser opened in 2022, everyone couldn’t wait to see what was inside that building with no windows!

Star Wars: Galactic Starcruiser

Ever since it closed in September 2023, everyone has been asking, “What in the world is Disney going to do with that big building with no windows?” Well, folks, we … don’t have the answer. But we DO have some ideas. SO.MANY.IDEAS. And we’re sharing our cringiest ones with you today!

Just in case you aren’t familiar, the Star Wars: Galactic Starcruiser was a unique immersive experience available at Disney World. You checked in (boarded) the hotel (spaceship) for a 2-night cruise that included your room, food, and entertainment. Yep, it was basically just like a cruise ship at sea, except, yeah, it was in “space.” Aboard the ship, you basically became immersed in a massive multi-player game taking place all around you. Sounds cool? It was. And it was pricey (around $4,800 for 2 people). And, in the end, the demand just wasn’t there.

Galactic Starcruiser room

So Disney World — and the rest of us — said goodbye to the Galactic Starcruiser. We know that at least some of its furnishings have been sold to cast members and others. And the many entertainment Cast Members involved in bringing the Galactic Starcruiser to life have moved on to new adventures.

But what about that building? Well, the team here at DFB has some ideas. So Disney, consider this our official Disney Imagineering application.

Turn It Into the Muppets Happiness Hotel

I’m gonna reach way back into the memory banks to tell you a cringey story from my childhood as the introduction to this one. My whole family went to see The Great Muppet Caper at the local movie theater back in 1981. On the way home, mom was asking my sisters and I what our favorite part of the movie was. One of my sisters says sweetly, “Daddy, what was your favorite part of the movie?” to which he replies, “The part where I went to the bathroom.” Yep, my dad … the originator of the dad joke. ANYWHO … welcome home to THE HAPPINESS HOTEL!

The bellhops might be rats and “the whole joint may have gone to h*#$,” but everyone who lives there sure seems happy enough to sing about it! Besides, the longer it sits empty the more dusty it’s going to get … so it’ll be perfect as the new home of the Electric Mayhem between gigs.

Rent Out Nap Pods for a Mid-Park Day Break

Remember the short-lived “Tomorrowland Cabanas” in Magic Kingdom? They were white tents you could rent for the day near Space Mountain and the old Skyway station. You could get ice cream treats and popcorn delivered, and take a break away from the crowds. But, um, there was no air conditioning?

$649 for A TENT. ©Wilson Townsend

OK, OK, they were an eyesore and at almost $700 per day, no one really went for them. They were introduced in late 2016, and by February 2017, Disney said it was “ending their trial period.” But let’s combine that idea with the popular nap pods popping up in airports, where you rent a small, private space for an hour or two to take a nap. Haven’t YOU wanted a nap in the middle of your park day? Wouldn’t a climate-controlled building with private rooms already attached to one of Disney World’s busiest parks be the perfect place for a nap?

Bunk Bed in a Galactic Starcruiser cabin

Go ahead. Try to tell me your jaw did not just drop at the thought!

BRING BACK THE ALIEN

Hey, remember that time Disney previewed an Alien attraction that was criticized for its violence and dark nature, so they delayed the official opening date to do some re-tooling to make it “MORE intense”?

Alien Encounter Promotional Art ©Disney

I mean, it’s been 20 years since it closed, but I bet those fun seats with the super cool and not-triggering-at-all restraints are still there in the theater-in-the-round in Magic Kingdom. Don’t you want to experience an ExtraTERRORestrial Alien Encounter again? Yeah, OK, no one misses this.

©Disney
ExtraTERRORestiral Alien Encounter

And NO, Stitch. No one misses your attraction, either.

©Disney Stitch’s Great Escape

Open a Bibbidi Bobbidi Boutique … for Dads

Who says littles should have all the fun?! Sure, we know that moms just LOVE to have the kiddos made over and dress them up. But show me a dad who has begrudgingly gone along with a family Halloween costume, and I’m here to tell you that man is faking and loving every minute of it. Chewbacca makeovers for everyone!

Dad, is that you?

P.S. When I was in elementary school, this kid who sat next to me dressed up as Chewbacca for Halloween, and his mom used pancake syrup to stick fur on his arms. That’s not how they do it, right? Because Florida has fire ants, and I can’t picture that ending well.

Picture It: Disney’s Hall of Imagineers

Yep, it’s just like the Hall of Presidents, but instead of Honest Abe giving the Gettysburg Address and FDR telling us, “Together, we cannot fail,” we can watch an animatronic Zach Riddley wax poetic about the floors chosen for Connections Cafe.

And please, let’s give the Joe Rohde animatronic its own room. I really would pay for an Individual Lighting Lane to see him read his lengthy Instagram captions about his travels.

What? Too niche? Sigh. OK, on to the next …

Build a Venue for MMA Matches Between Tech CEOs

Did you know that Meta had to disclose to its shareholders in an SEC filing that CEO Mark Zuckerberg practiced Mixed Martial Arts and willing put himself at risk of injury or death? True story. And if Zuck’s doing it, others are sure to follow. He already challenged Elon Musk to a cage match, remember?

The matches could happen right up there!

There’s already an atrium that will hold a bunch of people with an elevated “stage.” What tech CEO wouldn’t feel at home in this futuristic environment?

Pleasure Island … IN SPACE

Come on now, young adults of the 1990s. YOU KNOW YOU WANT THIS.

Pleasure Island

The Landings area of Disney Springs USED TO BE Pleasure Island. This was a gated area that offered admission to multiple night clubs for one price. It opened in 1989, and the final club shut down in 2006. And in the 1990s … this was peak fun for those over 21. PEAK. FUN. Sure, you might not think our 1990s grunge music and fashion, jelly sandals, or banana clips were cool, but you would have loved Pleasure Island. I mean, it was New Year’s Eve every night, people!

Pleasure Island Logo

So take that concept — multiple night clubs, one gated admission, and spread it out in the Galactic Starcruiser building. Make ’em all space themed, or don’t. But, this could be BIG.

So, there you have it — 7 cringey ideas for that building with NO WINDOWS. Disney, call me. (No really, call me. I still have some questions about the Dining Plan.) Keep following us here at DFB for the latest cringey ideas, err, Disney news!

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